So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
