I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
