Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
