I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
