in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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