That's intense
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
