hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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