i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
