ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
