We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
