I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
