I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want to make out with him forever
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
