My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
