4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize