Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
