They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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