so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
