I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So much rum. So many feels.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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