just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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