Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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