areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
