My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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