I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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