Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Are my feet made of real feet?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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