I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
