I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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