legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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