i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
