i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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