once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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