UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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