i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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