'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
