This dress was meant to end up on your floor
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
