Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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