i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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