Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
