dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
