He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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