im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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