remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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