Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Watching her eat just hurts me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
