I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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