I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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