she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
