Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
