I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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