I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
