I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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