i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
