This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
