I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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