that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
