Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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