I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
