what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
