wanna go halves on a baby?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i've created a new STD.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
