I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
