did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
