I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
