I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
