tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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