I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
