I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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