I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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