just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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