Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
