Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
