Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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