They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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