I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
