sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
