filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize