his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize