she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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