I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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