OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
