omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
