I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
