I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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