idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How does one acquire holy water?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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