you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Randomize