I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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