i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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