Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
